Locked in the eye lids

A slot machine at the casino,
someone pulled the handle years ago,
the wheel has been spining since then,
before the dreamy, waitful and greedily anticipating eyes.

The first stumble caused by this overwhelming lust of alcohol.
double displaying everything,
warm and good.
not right or wrong.
just like handle pulled inside the brain,
thousand flashes spun before eyes.

the excited and happy painted faces of the circus crew,
when i got a front row seat,
inbetween claps, i saw them feeling so joyful,
which was the reason i clapped,
for them it was what i did,
everything they put up the show for,
my claps, their earning,
no it was not ticket's money,
unlike at the casino.

the group of us cousins,
had me the youngest,
silliest, dumbest, funniest,
and the very brave to take on every joke cracked,
without caring much,
cause couldnt have retorted,
the tounge was still very little,
but no it wasnt their conventional fun,
couldnt have realised 11 years back,
but i get it now,
their grin hid love for me,
the same way the casino staff doesnot.

All these things bubbled up,
a the wet surface of the eyeball,
and made me shed tears.
sadness, the damn feeling,
that arised when i recalled such a happiness,
just like spinning slots of the machine,
evrything was running in a sequence,
i felt drunk alcohol, but,
i suspect i just got a hangover,
after drinking too much hate tonight locked in the eyelids.