How life

I live life daily
with the fainting hope
that the life I live
will become more happy.
This word happy,
sometimes it comes to me
via these paper chits
scattered all around me
except my pockets,
and sometimes by surprises
which show me how mundane
these paper bits are.
Many a times,
I search for this word
for days and weeks,
and sleep with a rotten expression
that no bits or bytes
made my life any good today.
I look back at those days
and pat at my heart
to render it some courage
often which is lost
looking for the word happy.
I dont understand much
these rules and regulations,
these conventions and pacts,
of living your life while
running and falling,
getting up and falling
but not giving up this race
behind the paper bits,
that no matter how much hurt you'd be,
you can't quit the race.
I am a man, more accomplished by
little pleasures, little surprises
for which we know life is so beautiful.
But, still it wont happen,
by just writing about it,
till you dont quit, you run
or you are down once forever,
where lights are off
and curtain is closed.
Where no happy words
would make you chase
and no amount of bits
would make the show to be played again for you.
These thoughts
are my greatest enemies they say,
not thinking about life
and living it daily for bits and bytes,
is not the kind of life
I wish to live.
But thinking oppositely
to how I should live,
I still live in a fainting hope,
that it would become
something more happy,
something more calling.